All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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