I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
