saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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