I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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