Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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