Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i think i just lost a toe
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
