I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
