I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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