It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
