im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
