They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
