Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
