We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
two words...techno handjob
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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