she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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