Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
