so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
