I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize