i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
