Got a toothbrush?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
