i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
