the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
