He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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