covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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