If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
