no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
