Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
