Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
