ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
