listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
operation have a gay friend backfired
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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