I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
