i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
