Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
