the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize