we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize