i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
