Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i dont even know how to be here
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
