I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
