Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
