I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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