4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
