ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
