After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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