At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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