My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't deserve a penis
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
