Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
