How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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