Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
