My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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