when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
