Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize