Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize