He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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