probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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