Someone shit on the floor
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
