Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize