P.S. I can't hear my feet
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
