she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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