i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize