Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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