Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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