I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
