Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
