I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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