I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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