I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
