everyone is single if you try hard enough
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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