Non-Jews are for practice
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
