Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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