Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
