I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
