can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize