I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
