"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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