I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
