i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
