I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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