dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
