Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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