I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
