Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
