Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
