And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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