Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
