i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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