Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
