That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
