Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
