your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
