Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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