So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
