Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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