P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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