Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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