Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
